My first hiccup in my vision for a re-set of my job happened this week. While meeting with a team, the conversation quickly went to ‘we want you to do the same thing you did last year, just in our rooms’. Gulp…

This was not the conversation I was hoping to have. In my head, I would meet with each team and talk more in depth about my vision for science this year; how I wanted to be more of a partner in instruction, how I wanted to get everyone outside and what we might do to work toward that.

I didn’t think I’d run into my first speed bump quite so quickly. This day ended with a three-hour car trip up north. While I certainly didn’t intend to, I found myself dwelling on this conversation quite a bit. I spent time reflecting on what my goals are this year and the rationale for making these changes. I also found myself reflecting on an article I recently read about embracing ambiguity: https://www.ideou.com/blogs/inspiration/4-tips-for-navigating-ambiguity

‘Ambiguity makes people feel uncomfortable – it’s a fear amplifier.’ Which made me realize I’ve had all summer to work through my fear and discomfort. I’ve had time to process how I might work with teachers this year. I’ve also had a lot of imaginary conversations in my head explaining my thinking. The conversation with the team on Thursday made me aware that everyone else needs time to work through a change in routine. I also realize that it’s time to start having some of my imaginary conversations in real life, no matter how difficult they might be.

Another key insight from reading this article was realizing one of the biggest changes is the lack of a firm plan. In the previous model of my job, lessons were set, the number of days for each unit was known, and it was a fairly well oiled machine. Some staff members will feel that things weren’t broke so why change?  It’s also hard to reassure people when I don’t have a well articulated plan, but rather a vision. I’m hoping the plan will come from working together.

So one team wants to start the year with things the same, and I have this huge need and desire for change. My first reaction to this was thinking of my job as a tug of war. The tug of teachers wanting me to fill a niche role, and providing the same experiences and lessons for their students and the pull of the open ended possibilities of breaking out of that role and seeing what else we might create or build. The problem with the tug of war analogy is that someone gets pulled over and looses. I give in and do what teams ask or I hold firm and say no. This isn’t really the model I want either.

After several more days of thinking and reflecting, and listening the Cat Stevens Song ‘On the Road to Find Out’ I heard the message I needed to hear: ‘So much left to know, I’m on the road to find out…. The answer lies within so why not take a look now’. When I look inside my heart, I know what I want to do. But, I also want my colleagues to be on this journey with me. Rather than pulling against each other we need to work as if on a teeter-totter, each scooching toward the center until we can find a balance.

So I’ll be re-visiting this team sometime next week to try to have this conversation again. What if we took the lessons they want to do but did them outside? What if we use the tools and skills in a different setting? If the goal is to learn what and how, can we learn also learn the why along with a where? Fingers are crossed, deep breaths will be taken and time and trust will be addressed.